Motormouthed blogger, Isma Olaxess, says therapy helped him deal with the stigma that had made it very difficult for him to open up about his long-time struggle with infertility – being unable to bear children.
The 59-year-old said this on Sunday while attending church at Pastor Wilson Bugembe’s The Worship House in Nansana.
“I have a lot of problems. I am the first born in my family. But when I went abroad (Sweden), I thought many of my dreams would be fulfilled. Yet it was the opposite. In Africa where we have grown up, taking tests to understand our medical conditions isn’t our culture,” Isma told the congregation.
“The medics told me I will never have a child yet all my body organs functioned properly. I almost lost my mind,” he added.
He said this discovery led him on a path of depression. He joked that the wild thoughts explain why he has grey hair and a grey beard.
But he underwent a lot of therapy which helped him cope.
“One of the things this therapy helped me do was the boldness to openly talk about this issue.”
Male infertility can be caused by low sperm production, abnormal sperm function or blockages that prevent the delivery of sperm. Other factors such as illnesses, injuries, chronic health problems, and lifestyle choices may also contribute to male infertility.
A study published in the journal Human Reproduction Update in November last year suggests that the average sperm concentration fell by 51.6% between 1973 and 2018. The total sperm counts fell by 62.3% during the same period.
In African societies, which are largely patriarchal, there is a lot of stigma around male infertility.
In Uganda, when women who fail to conceive are tested and found to be alright, they never consider asking their husbands to go for checkup. When couples fail to have children, the assumption is always that the problem is with the woman.
This despite the fact that World Health Organization (WHO) figures show that 50% of infertility is a result of a male factor.
Isma (real names Isma Lubega Tusubira) said the issue of his infertility caused him anger and sorrow.
“I would look at people and wonder what they ate or did to be able to bear children. This sometimes made me furious. But with the help of religious leaders, I have come to learn that such things are the will of God,” the blogger told church.
It is for this reason he had come to The Worship House, he said.
To console him, pastor Bugembe alluded to the Biblical story involving Sarah who was barren. Sarah was childless until she was 90 years old when she conceived a son – Isaac.
“Miracles still happen. So, may God give you a child. In fact, you will have a child the next time you return, because here where you stand isn’t my ground, it is God’s ground,” Bugembe told him.
On Sunday, Isma appeared extremely calm and polite than he is known to be. Online, he is loud, bullish and provocative. He explained that online, he plays a character, but that in person, he is very different.
The professional painter who holds a Bachelor of Commerce (External) Degree from Makerere University lived in Sweden for many years before returning to Uganda.
After uni, Isma had failed to get meaningful employment and resorted to the street (in Kampala) as a broker for phone dealers. Then once popular socialite Connie Birungi (ex-lover to Bryan White) who was then living in Sweden talked him into relocating to Sweden. She helped him process all the necessary documentation and moved him to the European country in the guise of being her husband.
In Sweden, Isma worked odd jobs including vending newspapers and painting buildings.
In 2011, he underwent some medical tests which made disturbing revelations – that he had minimal chances of siring children. This led him into depression for almost a year. He had been told he had low sperm count.
Having been raised by a Tabliq man who had fathered 40 children, Isma had had aspirations similar to his dad’s.
He has previously revealed how at one point his step mom had interested him in seeking the help of Mama Fina’s concoctions. But being a Tabliq, he didn’t believe in herbalists.
In a 2021 interview, he said: “My condition has made me too vulnerable. I find myself buying all sorts of stupid herbs. Even if you told me the solution to my infertility is in church, I would go.”
The years he spent in Sweden had introduced Isma to the European way of parenting where parent give a lot of attention to their kids. He had also spent much time with his friends’ children (including Connie’s) whom he often played with. When he retired home, it’s these thoughts – of the idea of being lonely forever and the fact that he might never get to play with his own children – that gave him sleepless nights.
When he shared the news about his condition with his girlfriend, it was hard for her to take in. In a 2021 interview, he said he was in fact willing to let her have a child with another man and that he would take care of them.
Though In vitro fertilization (IVF) is the only viable option if he is to have his own child, he says the African in him is hesitant to pursue that path. A part of him would forever not feel father enough, he said.
IVF is a process of fertilization that involves collecting (retrieving) mature eggs from ovaries and fertilizing them by sperm in a lab. The fertilized egg (embryo) or eggs (embryos) are then transferred to a uterus. IVF is the most effective form of assisted reproductive technology. But the cost of this process is very expensive.
